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Hello ladies, here is a special video from my sister Ann-Marie Graham, it is entitled “Praying For Your Future Husband”. This video will bless you! So if you are a single lady praying for a godly husband this video is a MUST WATCH for you! So watch NOW https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaZi-E8KPHE!!!!!!
Follow on her on Twitter @kashmere10 and check out her Facebook ministry page at “Up From the Dust to a Life Of Purpose” https://www.facebook.com/kashmere77

Lord where is my husband? I am tired of being single. Everybody's got a man but me. I am ready to get married. 
If I had a dollar for every time I heard a single woman make one of those statements,  I would be a billionaire. Yes, rich beyond my wildest dreams! So many of us single Christian women claim we are ready to be married. We have been single for awhile and now we desire to be married. And truly my sisters, there is nothing wrong with that! But is here the problem, a lot of us are not married because we are not ready. Now I know some of you are rolling your eyes and shaking your heads and saying whatever, "I AM READY!" But ready by your standards and God's standards are two different things.
The reason a lot of us think we are ready is because we are tired of being lonely. We are tired of being by ourselves. The whole strong independent woman notion gets old when you are lying in the bed by yourself every night. But just because you are lonely doesn't mean you are ready.
So today I want you to examine your readiness and measure it according to the Word of God. Many people say there isn't a manual or a book on how to be a wife. But to the naysayers, I disagree. There is a book and it is full of instructions on how to be a good wife. And not only a good wife but a virtuous wife. So today were going to read about of those instructions and see how you measure up. Do you have the characteristics or virtues that God requires to be a virtuous wife since you say you are ready? Let's find out.

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies."
There are many women who are good wives. They are loving, loyal and faithful to their husbands. But that doesn't make them a virtuous wife. A Virtuous wife is a woman after God's own heart. She is godly woman. A woman who puts God's first in everything she does and before everyone else in her life. So are you that woman? Do you truly put God first? Are you only seeking God because you want a husband? God knows it is your heart desire to be married but He said in His Word if you delight yourself in Him then He will give you the desires of your heart.
 So are you delighting yourself in the Lord or complaining to Him why you are not married? Remember this Word, "Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife."

Second, are you even worthy to be a wife? Proverbs 12:4 says, "A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones." A godly wife is loving, supportive and submissive to her husband. She brings out the best in him. Because of her, he shines and is blessed in everything he does. That's why the Word says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." A godly woman is gift to her husband. Proverbs 31:11-12 says, "Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."
Are you a good thing? Or you the other type of woman. The woman tears her husband down and is controlling, manipulative and clinical. All you think about is your want and your needs. You know the type that is all about yourself and your man is just a pawn. Perhaps, you have a Jezebel spirit? See a goodly woman builds her husband up but a foolish woman tears him down. So do you build men up or do you constantly tear them down? Ponder on this scripture, "So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Third, are you an honorable woman? Proverbs 11:16 says, "A kindhearted woman gains honor." The key part of that verse is a kindhearted woman. Not a mean hearted woman. Not a selfish woman. Honor comes from living righteously and holy. No one honors a whorish woman or vain woman. That is only reserved for godly women.
So do you live an honorable life or do live a worldly life?  Do you party and club all the time? Are you still practicing fortification? Because if you are, that disqualifies you from being an honorable wife. So maybe you need to change your lifestyle so you can be become an honorable wife.

Next, are you the type of woman who can submissive to her husband? The Word says, "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." The first true test of that submissiveness is being submissive to Christ while you are single. Are you truly submitted to Christ or are you still flirting with the world. Are you letting Christ lead your life or are you leading your own?
If God is not leading your life now, you are going to have problems letting a man lead you as your husband and head of the household. Colossians 3:18 says, "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." If you are truly ready to wife than you are truly ready to be submissive to man because you have already been submissive to Christ.  1 Peter 3:1-2 says, "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives."
Last and most important, are you a woman of godly character?  You've been praying for a godly man but are you even a godly woman? 1 Timothy 3:11, "In the same way, their wives must be respected and must not slander others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do."
Are you a gossiper? A woman who constantly puts other down or do you encourage and build others up? Do you have a bad attitude and are quick to go off? If this woman is you,  I am sorry to tell you;  you are not ready to be a wife. You need to work on your attitude and you need to quit gossiping. You can't pray for a godly man but act like a woman of the world. The two don't mix. So now is time to change your worldly ways and work on your attitude if you want God to send you a godly man.

So after all of this, can you honestly say you are truly ready to be a wife? Are there any areas you can improve?  There are definitely some areas I can improve on! Many times we think we are ready to be wife, but the truth of the matter is we still need some more time for God to prepare us. There are still rough edges in our life that need to be smoothed out. Some crooked places that need to be made straight. Now though none of us are perfect, God wants to make sure we truly become a good wife.
Remember the man who finds a good wife finds a good thing. Notice the Word says a good wife not good woman because before the man finds her she is already a wife. So right now you might be a good woman but you haven't quite become a good wife. And that's okay because God is still preparing you.

So today I want you to truly evaluate yourself and ask God to show the areas you can improve on so you become a good wife. I encourage you to read Proverbs 31 tonight. That is the model wife that all of us should strive to be with God's help. Remember a good wife is gift and bad wife is curse . Which will you be?
"Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil." Ecclesiastes 9:9

True Beauty

07/19/2013 00:10
It's hard being a Christian woman in a world driven by fashion, money, sex and fame. But if you live by faith and not by sight, you can sustain not being tainted by the meaningless and evil pleasures of this world.
We live in generation and time where a woman's worth is defined by her outer appearance. Our society teaches us if a woman isn't physically appealing, she isn't beautiful and if she isn't beautiful, she is worthless.

But the Word objects that view.  Proverbs 11:22 says, "A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout." The world might reward or honor beautiful women who are sexually, socially and consciously immoral, but in God's eyes they are the ones that are worthless.
But as Christian women it is hard sometimes not to get caught up in the glitz and glamour of it all. It is hard not compare yourself to the celebrities and models you see in magazines and on TV.  Just like worldly women, we keep up with the latest fashion, trends and hairstyles. Though we are taught as Christian women to dress modest, we still want to look cute. And sometimes our obsession to look cute, taints our true beauty. You see, there is the world's beauty and then is another type of beauty that is not defined by what clothes we wear or how we fix our hair.

That's why the Word tells us in 1 Peter 3:3, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes." Wearing MAC makeup and rocking the latest designers' clothes does not make you beautiful. As Christian women, we are designed to be set apart from worldly women. Now there is nothing wrong with wearing designer clothes and rocking the newest hairstyle if that's your choice, but never let that define your beauty.
What makes you beautiful comes from the inside not the outside. In God's eyes, your beauty is defined by your loving, obedient and gentle spirit. It is your inner beauty that glows to Him. Remember, what you reflect on the inside shines through on the outside. You might have a beautiful face, but if you have an ugly spirit, in God's eyes, you are ugly.  So don't try to fit in with the women in the world by chasing after the latest fashion, hair and makeup trends. 1 Peter 3: 4 says, "You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful."

So am I telling you not to dress cute and fashionably? No, ladies, by all means, rock your style! But keep it modest! And don't lose your true identity in Christ trying to keep up with women in the world and their false perception of beauty. Remember what the Word teaches in 1 Timothy 2:9, "And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes."
So remember, my beautiful sisters in Christ, your true beauty isn't defined by the clothes you wear or how you rock your hair, it is defined by your obedience to God. 1 Timothy 2:10 says, "For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do."

Let your inner beauty shine through to the world. There is nothing wrong with having your own style, but remember being stylish doesn't make you beautiful. Loving God and being a woman of faith is what you makes beautiful.
"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Deal With It

04/27/2013 10:32
Some of us are serial runners. What’s a serial runner you ask? A serial runner is a person that runs away every time something bad happens in their life. If they are having a problem in their relationship they run. If they are having problem at their job they quit. Anytime something major happens in their life and they don’t know what to do they run. Instead of standing up to the problem and trying to find a positive solution, they run.
Another characteristic of a serial runner is they are afraid to express their emotions. That is why they stay on the run. When something angers or saddens them and they can’t handle their emotions they disappear. Serial runners don’t try to hash it out or work it out. Instead, they take the easy way out and run.  They never deal with their problems.

While running away might temporarily ease the pain it doesn’t solve the problem. You can run away from the problem if you want too but the problem won’t run away for you. In other words, you will have to deal it eventually. So today I encourage you to stop running away from your problems and deal with them. It’s time for you to face your Goliath. Stop letting fear hold you back from getting healed, delivered, and set free from your problems.
You have let too many good relationships, friends, jobs, and other good opportunities come to ruin because you run away every time things get a little complicated. At the first sight of trouble you run. When people try to talk you about the issue you ignore them. You don’t want to face or deal with the problem. Instead, you let the problem fester and you walk around feeling all hurt, angry, and sad because you haven’t dealt with it. Well the running stops today. Today I want you to take that first step and deal with it!

 

 Some of us believe into the whole theory “out of sight out of mind” but I am here to tell you today that’s a bunch of a crap. The problem might be out of your physical sight but be honest with yourself it is nowhere out of your mind. The same problem, situation, or issue that you are running away from stays constantly on your mind. It’s funny you can run away from it but it won’t run away from you.
No matter what you do to stop thinking about it you can’t. No matter how far you try to get away from it, it finds you. No matter how much you try to ignore the problem the problem just won’t go away. So guess what? Maybe it is time for you to realize it is never going to go away until you deal with it.

Many of us let our pride hold us back from dealing with our problems. Our pride tells we don’t have to deal with it because it wasn’t our fault anyways. Our pride causes us to play the victim role and want everybody to feel sorry for us. We throw our self pity parties and we talk about the problem constantly with our friends.  We never take responsibility for our role in the problem. Instead, we put all the blame on others.
Another reason why many of us don’t deal with our problems is because of fear. Many of us fear confrontation. Remember serial runners don’t like to express their emotions. Most serial runners emotionally shut down when a problem is thrown in their face. Serial runners hate expressing their emotions or showing vulnerability it makes them think they look weak. So instead of dealing with a problem that involves confrontation they run from it. 
The last reason why most serial runners don’t deal with their problems is because they don’t want to hear the truth. Sometimes our problems can reveal hurtful, embarrassing, or shocking revelations about ourselves that we are not ready to deal with or accept.  For some people it is easier to live a lie then accept the truth.

Many of us would rather live in denial then face the truth about ourselves. Sometimes our problems make us face the shame, guilt, and embarrassment we have been trying to hide or forget. It is like the problem is a light that has beamed down on us and has exposed all of our flaws. So to get the light up off us we run. Well guess what no matter how far you run that light will find you.
So today let’s deal with our problems and quit running. Don’t you ever get tired of running? Don’t you just wish the anger, sadness, and pain would go away. Don’t you just want to move on with your life and not have to worry about if the problem is going to keep coming back? If you want to be set free and then you have to DEAL WITH IT!!!!

So today I encourage you not run to from your problems but run to them. Today I pray that spirit of courage and boldness comes upon and you deal with your issues. Only you know what your problems and issues are and only you can solve them. So today I want you to take the first step and deal with them.
For some of you that might require making some phone calls, sending some texts and emails, or making some visits. But whatever it requires I urge and inspire you to do it. There has to come a time in your life where you stop running and you make a stand. You can’t run from your problems forever.  So today take a stand and stop running. Your days as a serial runner are over! No more running! DEAL WITH IT!!!!!

Are you an emotional person? Do you always let your emotions guide your decisions?  Are you easily affected by what other people say about you? Do you constantly get your feelings hurt?
If you answered yes to more than one of those questions, you need deliverance from your emotions. According to the dictionary, you are “dominated by or prone to emotion”. Your let your emotions rule your life and you disregard logical and spiritual wisdom. You make all your decisions based on how you feel at that particular moment.

If any these definitions describe you, it’s time for you to admit to yourself that you have a problem: YOU ARE TOO EMOTIONAL. Be honest with yourself, you need to get your emotions in check. As Christians, we are supposed to be spiritually led. But you can’t be spiritually led if you are constantly letting your emotions rule you.
Having emotions is what makes us human. We all feel emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. But there is something wrong with letting your emotions control you. Some of us have become slaves to our emotions. For many people, everything they do and everything that say is based on what they are feeling at that time.

Emotional people don’t think rationally. You can’t tell them anything. Emotional people are quick to assume things without checking out all the facts. They get easily angered and always take offense to everything. They say whatever whenever and don’t think about how their words and actions will affect other people. They constantly label themselves as victims and want everybody to feel sorry for them. The moment you call them out on their emotions, they will start crying and ask, “Why can’t you understand how I feel?”.
At some point in life, you have to understand that your emotions can be more hindrance than help. I used to be an overly emotional person. So I know all about the bad and negative effects our emotions can have over our lives. I used to make all my decisions based on how I felt at the time. I used to be irrational, out of control and inconsiderate. I used to be a slave to my emotions. Until one day somebody ministered to me and told me how I could manage my emotions with the power of the Word. So today I am going to teach you how to do the same.
  1.  The first thing you to do is admit you have a problem. You cannot get deliverance from your emotions if you deny they are a problem. So confess to yourself and to God, “Lord, I have problem with my emotions and I need You to help me control them.” Trust me, I confessed this and God heard me and helped me. This is how I know He can help you.
  2. Find the root of your emotions. Why are you so emotional? Is there an issue in your life that needs to be resolved or fixed? Is that the something that is bothering you? Is someone hurting you? To receive deliverance from your emotions, you have to find the root of which that would cause them.
  3. Once you find the root, next go to God and someone you trust and talk to them about it. Seek godly wisdom and counsel about the root of your emotions. Once you know the root and what’s causing you to be so emotional, pray about it. Remember, God says in His world we are “over comers”. We have the power, through Jesus Christ, to overcome our emotions.
  4. Anytime you start feeling emotional, start speaking these declarations over yourself based on the Word. Here are some declarations I made for myself that you can use:
  • “I cast all my anxiety on Him because He cares for me.” 1 Peter 5:7
  • “He will heal my broken heart and bind up all my wounds.” Psalm 147:3
  • “I won’t be anxious about anything, but in every situation I will pray and present my petitions to God with thanksgiving.” Philippians 4:6
  • “I decree and declare I have perfect peace because my mind is fixed on Jesus Christ and I trust in Him.” Isaiah 26:3
  • “The peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
  • “I cast down every imagination and high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and I bring into captivity every one of my thoughts into the obedience of Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10:5
  • “Though I am allowed to do anything, everything is not good for me. And even though I am allowed to do anything, I will not become a slave to anything.” 1 Corinthians 6:12
Those are just a few scriptures I’ve used; you can use your own. If we want to live spiritually healthy lives, we have to manage and control our negative emotions. I know if God can deliver me from my emotions, He can deliver you. Don’t be a slave to your emotions; make your emotions work in your favor for you.

What is closure?  According to the dictionary it is “an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality.” I like how that particular definition says “comforting or satisfying”.  But is closure really ever comforting? And satisfying-I would definitely say not. But what is true in that definition is it is a “sense of finality.” Once you get closure it is really over.
After a break-up or fallout with a friend or family member, the next phase is usually closure. This is the phase when both parties speak their peace towards one another and decide to go their separate ways. Normally, one or both parties apologize for the hurt they may have caused the other. After apologizes are issued and accepted, both parties say their last goodbyes and wish each other well.

In a perfect world that would be the perfect way to have closure. But we do not live in a perfect world and therefore, closure never tends to happen that way. And the even harsher reality is most people never get closure. So how do you move on without closure?
What if the person that betrayed you never apologizes? What if the person that broke your heart moves on and never gives you an explanation why? What if the person that raped you never gets convicted? What if your mother never tells you what really happened between her and your father? How do you move on?

The question shouldn’t be so much how, but when. Why should never be a question because in order to live and heal you MUST MOVE ON. But for some of you the question isn’t how...it is when.
For some of you, it’s been years and you are still harboring bitterness, anger, hurt, sadness, and for some of you even jealously towards the person that hurt you. Some of you are still crying yourselves to sleep every night…driving by their house…checking their Twitter and Facebook pages.  
It’s been years and the person who hurt you has moved on. They have gone on with their lives and you are the last thing on their mind. But you are still stuck, frozen in time hoping that they will unthaw you by giving you closure in the form of an apology or an explanation why. But I am here to tell you today that you will be frozen in time forever if you are waiting on the person that hurt you to give you closure.

Stop expecting the person that hurt you to heal you. Some of us are putting the burden of our healing on the person that hurt us. The person that hurt you will not and cannot heal you. Only God can give you healing. Only God can give you peace. Only God can give you freedom. So go to Him instead them. Quit calling their phone, texting, and emailing them. Stop going by their house and demanding they give you an apology and answer for why they did what they did to you. (Ouch, this was me, but I am sure many of you can relate).
If you want the “comforting and satisfy” closure the dictionary describes you have to give it yourself. And the first step in getting that closure is forgiveness. You have to forgive the person that hurt you. Yes I know they lied to you…cheated on you…hurt you…abused you… and you are still living with the effects of what they did to you today but you have to forgive them. And not for them but for you. The reason why you can’t let go is because you haven’t forgiven.

When you don’t forgive the person that hurt you hold yourself prisoner. You see, they are free while you are locked up in a prison in your mind. You give them power over your life when you do this. When you replay the memories of how they hurt you over and over again you strengthen their power.
But when you forgive them, you take back that power. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:15, “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” God will not forgive you of your sins and wrongdoings if you do not forgive the person that hurt you. So forgive them and stop holding yourself prisoner. Remember if you want to be free and get back to living you gotta start forgiving.

So the next time those painful memories start trying to creep back into your mind recite this scripture: 2 Corinthians 10:5 “bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” You have the power to bring those hurtful and painful memories into the obedience of Christ. Cast those thoughts and that heavy burden of pain you been carrying around unto the Lord. With the mention of Jesus’ name those thoughts have to flee.
After you have forgiven the person that hurt you can move on with the next part of your of self-closure which is the why part. I remember trying to seek closure from ex boyfriend and the thing I wanted the most from him is why. I just wanted to know why.  I felt like I couldn’t move on unless he told me why. And guess what, it’s been almost two years and I still haven’t got the why and more than likely I never will.

Self-closure requires that you let go of wanting to know why. Instead, it requires you to focus on this scripture in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
I know many of you are like how is the most painful thing in my life going to work out for my good? There is quote I read in Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life that stated, “Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.” God will use what you went through to help other people.

I like what Joseph told his brothers in Genesis 50:20, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” The enemy tried to you use the person that hurt you to break you down, to crush spirits, to hurt you. But God allowed it to happen to you because He knew in the end it would only make you stronger.
The moment I let go of wanting to why is the day I got my closure.  Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” I trusted in the Lord with all my heart and quit trying to get an understanding!

There is quote that says “Man’s rejection is God protection and redirection.” That quote changed my life.  I realized God allowed my break up with my ex because he was protecting me. When I was with him I wasn’t living for God. I was living in sin. But now that we are not together my life is fully dedicated to Christ.
So I realized in the end the pain all worked out for my good. And now I could carless why. My focus now is on how I can live a life pleasing to the Lord. My question now is “What do you want me to do Lord?”

Understand that everything that happens in our lives God allows. Even our most painful and difficult moments serve a purpose. But regardless of what happens we got to keep living. Season in our lives change all the time. Some seasons are good and some seasons are bad. But we don’t have say so over the seasons and how they play out in our lives, we just accept them as they come.  
So what is closure really? Well, my dear friends it is nothing but acceptance. Acceptance that a chapter in your life has ended and a new one is about to begin. You will never see a new chapter in your life begin if you are still re-reading the last one.

So unfreeze yourself and move on. Stop expecting an apology. Stop expecting and explanation why. Forgive and heal. Let go and let God. Let God heal your heart.
You can stay the victim or you become the victor. The choice is left up to you. If you expect closure from others then you will remain a victim. But if you give yourself closure you will become a victor because you can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens you. You can get closure. You don’t need another person to give it you.

So is closure “comforting or satisfying”...NO! But does give it you a “sense of finality”….YES! Like Paul said in Philippians 3:13, “but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” It is time to move forward. What happen to you is now in the past. You must accept it and move on.
So what is my definition of closure? Well I am glad you asked! It is simply closing your mind to the past and opening it to the future because God has so much instore for you. So the time for closure is NOW! So stop reading that last chapter because a new chapter awaits!

Living Single

02/22/2013 12:38
“We are Living Single…Ooo in a millennium kind of world...I'm glad I got mah gurls.” That’s that modern remix! We are not living in the 90s but we are still living single! Today let’s discuss how we can be “Single and Loving it.”
Earlier this week when I posted the title to this blog post on my twitter page, a girl got upset with me and exclaimed how I could I love being single if I desired marriage. She seemed very puzzled and distraught that I felt this way. She acted as if my love for singleness was a plague and marriage was the cure.  But I am here to tell you like Paul told the Philippians “For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."

Yes I desire marriage and I am sure some of you ladies do too. But until God sends my Boaz, I will love the life He has given me right now and be content in it. And right now His desire for me is to be single.  God tells us in His Word in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God knows the plans He has for us.  And right now it is God’s plan for us to be single. So are we not to embrace our singleness? For some women, the answer to that is question is no. Society teaches us as single women are main focus should be on how to attract a man.  So we need to reading books and watching TV shows about how to get a man. I guess we are supposing to be going in droves to Barnes and Nobles and picking up Steve Harvey’s book “Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady.”

Well not me. There is a book that teaches everyday on how to attract a man it’s called the Holy Bible. And in Proverbs 18:22 it teaches me “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” The key in that scripture my dear single ladies, is he will find the wife-the man. The man will find us. So unlike what the world tells us we don’t have to spend our times looking for him or trying to attract him.
So what should we do while we are single if our life doesn’t consist of finding a man? Well I am glad you asked! 1 Corinthians 7:34 says, “The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.”

Right now as single women of God our number one focus should about the cares of the Lord. We should be about our Father’s business. We need to be working in our God given purposes, callings, and destinies. We also need to be dedicated to living a life of holiness in both our bodies and spirits. So for you ladies who have been fornicating and shacking up-STOP!!!!!
As single women of God our focus should be centered on God and on living a life of holiness and righteousness. We can’t call ourselves Women of God if we are living like single women in the world. They don’t have the same morals, values, and spiritual beliefs we do. In their world it is okay to be single and having sex. In their world it is okay to focus on everything but God. But is but okay for us? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Before I dedicated my life to Christ-I was a fornicator. I thought like most women in the world that it was okay to have sex before marriage.  But it is not. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 says, God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.”
It in this sex driven world it is hard to stay for sex and lustful desires. Our world is driven by sex. Everything tells us to have sex, want sex and sex is okay. But it is not. Sex before marriage causes us to form ungodly soul-ties. When we have sex with a person we become one with that person and the only person God intended for us to become one with is our husbands. So sex before marriage is out of line with God’s order and plans for our lives. Remember God does everything “decently and in order.”  It is we who disrupt His plans for our lives by having outside of marriage.

Colossians 3:5 says, “So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires."  So if you are struggling with sexual sin you need to go before God and pray for deliverance. God has the power to deliver you from anything. You just have to ask and go to Him. It is neither His desire nor His will for us to be bounded in the bondage of sexual sin.
So quit entertaining men who only desire sex from you. You say you desire marriage. Well Boaz found Ruth working in the field.  Your Boaz cannot find you if you are in the bed having sex with Mo-Az (interpret that name however you like lol).  Ladies, like Ruth we need to be working in the field until our Boaz find us. Like Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:35, “I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” And sex is a distraction! So let’s agree to live a life of purity and move along from this topic shall we.

During our single season, we should be focused on discovering who are in God.  We should be finding out what are God given talents and gifts are. What are purposes are. This is should be a time of self-discovery and intimacy with God. Now there will be times will loneliness will creep up on us and make us start to feel self-pity for ourselves because we don’t have man. It will cause us to be bitter and jealous towards other women who have a man.
Well I don’t know about you but I am not alone. I might not have a man but I have God and he promised to never leave or forsake me so I am never alone. And if you have God you are not alone either. Being lonely and being alone are two different things and don’t you ever get them twisted.
We all get lonely sometimes. We all long to have the affection from a man. We all want to be held sometimes. We all want to be kissed sometimes. We all want a man to tell us we are beautiful and that he can’t breathe without us. Yes, Yes, and yes WE ALL DO! And that is a natural human feeling.

But for you ladies who think you are alone and feel lonely here is a Word just for you. I want you to download this in your Spirit. Isaiah 54:5, “For your Maker is your husband--the LORD Almighty is his name--the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Until God gives you a man on this earth to marry-HE IS YOUR HUSBAND!!!!
Understand this ladies, God loves you more ever know or comprehend. No man on this earth not even your future husband will love you as much as God loves you. So I want you to know that he desires to be your husband right now. He wants you to love Him, want Him, desire Him with the same want and desire you have for your future husband. So will you allow God to be your husband?

Proverbs 19:21 says “Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Why am I still single? Why didn’t my last relationship work out? Because though it is your plan to be married right now, it is God's plan for you to be single. Right now you are still in the preparation stages.  He is still perfecting you and molding in you in the Virtuous Woman so you can be the Virtuous Wife. So don’t rush God's timing, enjoy your singleness and let everything fall into place.

 Now we have discussed on how God wants us to live while we are single but I want to give you some of my personal tips on how to maximize your single life until your marriage season arrives.  So here are some of my personal tips on how to be “Single and Loving It.”
  • Develop an intimate relationship with God. God is your husband right now. So be a faithful, committed wife. Don’t cheat on God with the World. Draw closer to Him and He will draw closer to you..THIS I CAN PROMISE YOU!
  • Live On Purpose-Wake up every day like you a have purpose to fulfill because in all actuality you do! Pray that God reveals to you your God given gift and talent and start using it. God gives us all assignments-so ask Him to give Him yours and start doing the work! When you are busy in your purpose you won’t be focused on not having man.
  • Find a hobby-In your downtime when you are not working or in school find a fun activity you like to do. Whether it’s making jewelry, writing poetry, or taking dance classes find a fun activity you like to do and start having fun. For me, I like to write poetry and I have quite an obsession with the TV show Scandal!
  • As Queen Latifah sang, “I am glad I got mah gurls”! This is the time for you to be spending as much time with your friends as you can. When you are married you won’t be able to hang out with your friends as much. So right now, Girls Night Out should definitely be in order at least twice a month! I am just saying! Go out with your girls and have fun!
  • Let Go and Let God-This pertains to letting go past relationships. Some of us are still holding on to the hurt and pain of our last relationship. We are still emotionally hurting and we need healing. So take this time while you are single to heal. Give God the pieces to your broken heart so He can put them back together again. It’s time for you to be free.

So single ladies Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:33, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” All things will be added to us when we seek God first. So marriage will be added unto us. Your Adam or Boaz will find you. So stop looking for him because he is looking for you. But until he finds you enjoy your single life! Love it! Embrace it!  Remember There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.” Marriage will come in its season and its time! So until then sing with me, “We are Living Single…Ooo in a millennium kind of world...I'm glad I got mah gurls!”

Valentine's Day

02/14/2013 11:33

For most people, Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate romantic love: the love between a man and a woman. Valentine’s Day has been turned into this commercialized holiday where people are encouraged to spend money on material things such as teddy bears, flowers, candy, and jewelry to express their love for their significant other.

But is that really love? What about the love between a mother and daughter. A father and son. The love between friends. The love between strangers. Is romantic love the only type of love in the world? And are flowers, candy, and balloons the only symbols of love?

My biggest question is do people truly understand love. Do they know what love is and what it is suppose to look like, feel like, and most importantly where it comes from? No, most people believe whatever the world tells them love is. The world tells us love comes from Cupid’s bow and Valentine’s Day is the pinnacle of love. They tell us love is a chocolate heart and a stuffed teddy bear with a heart attached that says, “I Love You”.  If I am suppose to accept that as love then what a sad, sad world we live in.

When I celebrate Valentine’s Day, I celebrate all love because I know what love is. And I know where it comes from.  The Word tells us in 1 John 4:8, “God is love.” 1 John 4:7 says, “For love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.” So let me break that down. Anyone who says they know love knows God. You can’t love and not know God. For lovers are children of God.

Galatians 5:22 says love is the one of the fruits of the Spirit and we all know the Spirit is the Holy Spirit. So to give love you must be operating in the Holy Spirit. And when you give love from the Spirit these are its traits:

And what is the greatest act of love ever demonstrated? Romans 5:8 answers that question and it says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died.” 1 John  4:10 says “This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.” Jesus dying on the cross for our sins so that we may have eternal life is greatest act of love ever demonstrated. Now that my dear ladies is love. 

So I don’t care how much someone tells you they love you. I don’t care what gifts they buy you and what sweet words they tell you if they don’t know God then they don’t love you. And everything that they have ever said or done to you means absolutely nothing. For some people that may be a harsh, bold statement but it is the truth.

So today when you celebrate Valentine’s Day (the holiday of love) celebrate God because he is love. So I challenge you today to become a vessel of love and spread God’s love and the love of Jesus Christ with the world. Do everything today in love. 1 John 4:12 says, “No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us.”

And let’s just not celebrate love on Valentine’s Day but every day. To the world, Valentine’s Day is February 14 but in my world Valentine’s Day is every day. So if no one buys you a gift today or tells you they love….know I LOVE YOU!  

*****Hey #Lovies, on this special day it would so much to me if you would sign my guestbook and show me some love http://avesseloflove.webnode.com/guestbook/******

 

You Are What You Think

02/01/2013 14:54

Every year on January 1, we all make New Year resolutions that we are going to work on our attitudes. We vow this year is going to be different.Things are going to change! But at the end of the year on December 31, we have the same attitudes, nothing is different and nothing has changed.

To change your life, you must change the way you think. Change must start from the inside out.  The Word tells in Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” You are what you think.  If you think have a bad attitude, then you have a bad attitude. If you think you will never make, then you will never make. If you think you are going to fail, then you will fail.

What you choose to believe is what you will receive. The reason why things haven’t changed in your life is because your mind hasn’t changed.  You can’t have a negative mindset and then wonder why you haven’t seen in any positive changes in your life.

You have to change you way think. You have to think positive. You have to see the changes in your mind before they manifest in your life. So from now on stop thinking so negatively all the time. Remember you are what you think. If you mind is constantly filled with negatives thoughts like…I can’t…I won’t…it will never happen… then you will never see progress in your life.

What we internalize is what we tend to verbalize.  Luke 6:24 says, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” That is the New Translation Version of that scripture but the King James Version says simply says, “for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.”

If you think negative thoughts, you will speak negative words. If you think positive thoughts, you will speak positive words. Simple correlation. Our words hold power. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Many of us have killed our own dreams and visions with the words we have spoken. I will never start my own business. I can’t start my own ministry. Nobody will support me. Statements like that are the reasons why you haven’t started your own business or ministry. It is the reason why people haven’t supported you.

You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will. Again, let me reiterate what you believe is what you will receive. So start working on what you think. Romans 12:12 says, “but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

God has a purpose for your life. He has a plan. And if you develop a relationship with him, he will help you change the way you think and your life. But the part you play is renewing your mind daily. Every day when you wake up speak positive affirmations about yourself. Start your day by thinking positive thoughts and speaking them aloud. There is a song I like to listen in the mornings before I go to work that inspires and motivates to think positive. It is called “Light the Universe” by Vivian Green.  The lyrics say, “I am special, I am gorgeous, I am chosen, yes I know it And I…yes, I can light the whole universe...I am different, I have purpose…I am brilliant, yes I feel it…And I…yes, I can light the whole universe.”

In addition to thinking positive, surround yourself with positive people.  People who will motivate you, encourage you, inspire you, challenge you to a better you. You will never shake your negative mindset hanging around negative people. They will continuously reinforce the negative attitudes, thoughts, and ideas you are trying to get away from. Remember a negative and positive still equals a negative.   So cut those negative people out of your life!

So I want to encourage you like Paul encouraged the Philippians in Philippians 4:8, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”      

          

“Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her. “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied. Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband— for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!” John 4:16-18

*January 2012*

The feeling of guilt, shame, and disgust hit me like a ton of bricks. As he sped off into the night, I walked in the house and went into my room. I immediately began repenting. The guilt was eating me alive. Why did I tell him he could come over? Why did I do it? I said I wasn’t going to do it anymore. But I did it….I had sex.

The next morning I felt so condemned I didn’t know what to do with myself. I threw up and sat by the toilet bowel and cried.  Somberly, I got dressed for church. I drove to church in silence. I pulled into the parking lot and I immediately began repenting. I had to get myself together I had to go in and teach the Children’s Ministry. But how could I…I thought inside. How could I teach children not to sin when I just sinned? I felt like a hypocrite….unworthy of my position. I messed up, I let God down.

After days of feeling guilty, I confessed my sin to my spiritual mentor. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed and I just thought for sure he was going to be disappointed in me. But instead of getting the reaction I thought, he immediately began praying for me. He prayed over me and anointed my head with oil. He told me it was time for me to get delivered from my S.T.D (Sexual Transmitted Demon).

*S.T.D. (Sexual Transmitted Demon)*

Now I know many of you are like what she is talking about? If I would have just said STD you would I have thought I was talking about a sexual transmitted disease like Herpes or AIDS. But I what I needed deliverance from was much more worse and deadly than the common medical STD. You see the effects of this S.T.D can kill you and send your soul to hell.

So what is exactly is an S.T.D? Well simply put: it is a sexual demon that enters your body through sexual intercourse.  The demon dwells in your soul and it is strengthened every time you have sex. The more you have sex, the stronger the demon becomes-making it harder to get rid of.

 You see you can’t just buy some antibiotics and get rid of this S.T.D. The only way to get rid of this STD is through deliverance from the Holy Spirit. God himself has to deliver you from this S.T.D . And I can tell you right now the process to deliverance isn’t an easy one.

*From Playing with Barbies, To Having Sex with Ken*

I will never forget when I lost my virginity. I was 15 years old. I was nervous, scared, and excited at the same time. My boyfriend at the time was 18. We had been together for year and a half and I felt it in my mind it was time. So he rented a hotel room and we had sex.  That was the day I was infected with my S.T.D

I went from secretly still playing with Barbie dolls to having sex with Ken….well not Barbie’s Ken…my Ken in the sense of my boyfriend. A year later my boyfriend and I broke up and I began dating someone else.

I was 16 at the time and he was 20. We worked together at my part-time job and I will never forget how he approached me. I remember as he began approaching me I told him… “I am just a little girl”….why do you want to talk to me?”  He quickly flashed a smile and deviously said, “I just want to be your friend.”

*The Birth of a Sexaholic* 

From that day forward he made it his mission to be my friend. And friends did we become but we became more than friends. By the time you knew it, we were sleeping together. But sex with him was different. You see sex with him felt like a drug…it was addictive, unpredictable, and fun.    

We had sex all the time. I would sneak out my window at night just to be with him. I didn’t care that I was risking my parents killing me if they found out. In my mind, all I wanted was to be with him. And he told me those three magic words that kept me on an emotional rollercoaster for seven years of my life… “I Love You.”

He knew no matter how much he hurt me….no matter how much he cheated…no matter much he lied…if he told me those words…I would forget everything he had done and give him wanted he truly wanted from me…and it wasn’t my love…it was my body.

*Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop…Infecting Other People*

 The more and more we had sex the stronger S.T.D. in me became. It was like no matter how much him and I had sex (which was all the time) the S.T.D couldn’t be satisfied. It craved for more and more sex. And I gave into its craving.

My friend, which by this time called himself my boyfriend, couldn’t satisfy the S.T.D. in me. And I couldn’t satisfy the S.T.D in him. I knew he was sleeping with other women…but I naively believed since he “loved me” the other girls he was sleeping with didn’t mean anything to him…because he loved me. It was like what Jody told his babymama Yvette to in the movie Babyboy … “I make love to you, I want to be with you, but I fuck other females occasionally. I don't know why, I just do. That's the situation.”

Stupid right…but at 16 years old I bought that excuse and all for the sake of “love.” But the S.T.D. in me didn’t care who I loved, all it cared about was who I was sexing and when my “Jody” wasn’t available then somebody else would just have to do. So like him, I began sleeping with other people.

 I begin infecting other men with my S.T.D. By the time I was 18, I had over nine sexual partners. I infected 8 other men with my S.T.D. and formed nine ungodly soul-ties. In society’s eyes I was a hoe. But in my eyes…the eyes of a demon…I was just a girl with a strong sexual appetite.

By the time I was 21, I had slept with over 10 men. I personally didn’t think nothing was wrong with it. I mean everyone I knew was having sex. Everybody was “getting down” as they say.

*A Good Girl With A Bad Addiction*

 ironically, I called myself a Christian…a devoted believer. I thought of myself as a “good girl”. I was in college. I made good grades. I went to church. I knew having sex was a sin but I felt “God knew my heart” and every time I did I it could just repent and he would forgive me right. I mean isn’t that what the preacher said…if you sin…repent…and all is forgiven... Right??? WRONG.

But at time I didn’t think about the consequences of my sin. You see by this time my S.T.D was in its highest peak. The sexual demon in me controlled my life. It controlled my spirit. I was its slave. I was in bondage to it. I had to satisfy it.

In additional to sleeping with men, to satisfy my S.T.D., I would watch porn. I would watch porn and masturbate. When I couldn’t have sex, I would just satisfy myself….or the S.T.D in me.

By the time I was 22, I was like to hell with boyfriends…I was just going to stay single and have a couple of FBs (Friends With Benefits) or guys I would call when I wanted to have sex. So for a year and a half between my porn watching and masturbating, I would have casual sex with my FBs.

*Broken Hearted Girl Has Mental Breakdown*

In the beginning of 2011, I decided to give “love” one more try. So I ended all my relationships with my FBs and got into a serious relationship. For six months, I thought I was in love. He and I had sex but the difference this time was I was faithful to him. Unlike my other boyfriends, I didn’t cheat on him.

Finally, I thought “my love had come along”. I thought my life was perfect. I was in gradschool, working full-time, and actively involved in my church. I thought to myself in a matter of months my boyfriend and I were going to get engaged and by the summer of the next year we would be married.

Well to my disappointment in August of 2011, “my love” and I broke up and I was devastated. I was heartbroken. The break up caused me to go in state of depression for months. It also caused me to retreat back to old my lifestyle. So I called up one of my FBs and had sex but this time something was different.

For the first time ever in my life, I felt disgusted after having sex. I felt ashamed. I felt guilty. I felt dirty. I made a vow to myself that I would stop having sex. So I cut off all my FBs off and began seeking God.

*A Broken Spirit *

After me and ex boyfriend broke up, my whole life changed. It was like a shift took place in my life. Something inside of me changed. The break up left me in broken state and that broken state is where I found God. The Word tells us in Psalm 51:17, “The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.” I was broken, empty inside. I felt like nothing.

Since I was 15 years old I had been giving my body to men who didn’t give a care in the world about me.  They only told me words like I love you as mean to get access to my body. I thought by giving them my body they would give me their love in return.

No matter how much I tried to pretend that having sex with my FBs didn’t bother me or didn't affect me….it did. Because the truth was, I just wanted to be loved. But instead of seeking the author of love (God) I sought men…as used my body as means to get what I thought was love but in reality it was just lust.

My failed relationship with my ex…removed the veil from eyes….it was like I had been living in darkness all my life…but I finally saw the light. As my pastor would say, “I was left broke down, busted, and disgusted.”

But in my broken state, I found God. I developed a relationship with him. You see before this time in my life, I knew of God but I didn’t know God. You see I know who my pastor said he was…who my momma said he was…but I didn’t who he was for myself.

But all I had at that time to give to God was a broken heart and a broken spirit. But that was all the sacrifice he needed to transform my life. From that day forward, I began seeking God like never before. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”

 I drew close to him and he drew close to me. I repented from my sexual sins and all the other sins I had committed. I cut off all communication with all my FBs and began living a life of holiness and righteousness.

 I thought I was delivered from my S.T.D. I went over five months (from September 2011 to January 2012) of not having sex. In my mind I was delivered. I told myself was going to live for God and find my purpose in him. Sex was the last thing on my mind….or was it?

*Still In Me*

By January 2012, my relationship with God grew. Christ became my life. I thought I was freed from my S.T.D. But I was wrong. It was still living dormant in my body…like a regular STD…just wanting for the right time to come back to the surface. And all it took was for me to run into one of my old FBs.

In January 2012, I ran into one of my old FBs at gas station. Before you knew it we were talking on the phone, texting, and tweeting on a regular basis. I thought to myself, well as long as I don’t see him no harm in talking to him. I mean I thought to myself, “None of our conversations so far have been about sex.” Plus, I told him I was not going to have sex again until I got married. He said he understood…so we were all good in the neighborhood…right???? WRONG. I never should have started back talking to him in the first place.

One night while I was still up, he texted me and asked “what are you doing, can I come see you.” I froze, I know if I replied back yes and he came over what would happen. I mean he wasn’t going to come over my house at no one in the morning “just to talk.” But to my surprise instead of saying I was sleep or not responding…I replied back “nothing” and that was all needed as a green light to come over.

And 30 minutes later he came over. And my whole five months of celebrated celibacy ended. He came over and within a few minutes we were having sex. But the whole time we were doing it all I could think about was God.

Most of you are like yeah right, how I could be thinking of God but having sex. But I did. While he was getting his 15 minutes of pleasure…all I was thinking about my future pain and punishment.

As soon as it was over, the guilt and shame overwhelmed me. I didn’t understand why I allowed myself to have sex with him. I had been on the right tracks for months. Why did I allow myself to slip back up to my old ways?

*The Deliverance Process*

For two hours my spiritual mentor prayed over me. He told me to confess and repent from all my sexual sins. He told me the deliverance process wasn’t going to be easy. And he wasn’t lying either.

He told me to confess out to God every guy I had ever had sex with and repent and denounce the ungodly soul tie I had made with them.  Sometimes as I would confess and repent I would throw up. Not understanding why this was happening, I called him and he told me this was the Holy Spirit’s way of making me cleanse myself of all the ungodly soul-ties.

The S.T.D. had been living in my body for 10 years and it wasn’t about to depart me from me without a fight. Jesus said in Matthew 17:21, “But this kind does not come out except by prayer and fasting."

For a whole month, I prayed earnestly. I fasted. I cried. I repented. The enemy was not happy that I was getting delivered so he threw everything at me but the kitchen sink. The temptation or urge to want to have sex became stronger. It seem like every guy I ever had sex with contacted me…wanting to get back with me.

The process was intense. It took everything out of me to get delivered but the S.T.D had to depart. It had to leave. It tormented me for 10 years of my life. I was its slave and it had me in bondage. But no more-God set me free!

*January 25, 2013*

Today is January 25, 2013 and I have been celibate for a whole year. I give ALL HONOR, PRAISE, AND GLORY TO GOD!!!! It has not been my strength, will, of power that I have been able to abstain from sex.

To be transparent with you guys it has been hard. Do I still get the urge to want to have sex?  YES!!! But what keeps me from doing it? My love for God. My fear of him. My desire to live holy and to live pure.

I am totally obsessed and in love with Jesus Christ. For 10 years of my life I gave my “pearls to pigs.” And they trampled them under their feet and into pieces. I was seeking their love and affection, when they were seeking my body.

Now when I reflect back over the last 10 years of my life, I look back with an attitude of gratitude. I am so thankful that God delivered me and saved me from myself. I was going down a path of destruction and the S.T.D in me was leading me straight to hell. BUT GOD! God heard the desperate cry of a little sinner like me and saved me. He delivered me. He restored me. And as his witness he can do the same for you. He can deliver you from your S.T.D!

“ I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame.” Joel 2:25

 

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